Penelope Cruz, the ex-girlfriend of Tom Cruise, has come out saying she’s seen Suri.

Sorry, Tom. You’re gonna have to do better than that.

I believe Penelope, like Nicole, is under a strict contract with Tom. I mean, come on - she dated him for three years and no smack talk? I could almost forgive Nicole, cuz she has kids with the man. But Penelope has nothing to lose…

Or does she?

“She’s really beautiful. She’s one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen,” the 32-year-old actress said.

I know everyone says babies are beautiful, even when they are not. But the quotes from the three chosen wise women, Cruz, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Leah Remini, are eerily similar. Even the AP article implies so:

Pinkett Smith has described Suri as “one of the sweetest babies I’ve ever met in my life,” while Remini has said the baby “looks like Tom and Katie, she’s just beautiful.”

If this baby’s so perfect I say bring her out of hiding! Show the mere mortals what a beautiful sweet baby you have.

I dare ya, Tom!

I apologize for not posting yesterday. Seems that if one is exposed to too many Drunk Mel Gibson stories, one develops a sort of twitch, not unlike an epileptic seizure, and thus cannot post entries to one’s celebrity trash blog.

But there is good news out there in Gossipwood. Star Jones Reynolds is not, I repeat NOT, getting a divorce from her gay husband.

Well thank god and hallelujah! I had almost forgotten about ol’ Star. Okay, we can all go on with our lives. Carry on.

Wow. Mel Gibson is in TROUBLE!

Pulled over for drunk driving. Saying crazy shit about the Jews.

What do you think? Is his career over?

The best source to follow this story is definitely tmz.com - they even have a video clip of a PSA Gibson did for the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, and clips from his interview with Diane Sawyer where he says it’s against his religion to be anti-semitic and he used to drive drunk, but that’s when he was stupid.

This pic was out yesterday, and I was going to write about it then, but it was just too disturbing.

After twisting and turning all night with visions of the wax family in my head, I decided I should just get it out there and hopefully excise it from my brain.

Tom Cruise has paid yet another “celebrity” to rave about his “child”, Suri.

Jada Pinkett Smith has seen the imaginary child twice, and calls her “gorgeous” and “Daddy’s little girl.”

Whatever. I’m not taking the word of someone who got her start on the “Cosby Show” spinoff “A Different World.” Now if it were Dwayne Wayne saying it, then maybe. But tomboy Lena James? Sorry. Try again.

Besides, look at her. She used to be a beautiful woman. She’s obviously gone over the deep end, never to return. We’re gonna believe this person?

Out of the $500 million fortune her father left behind, Tori Spelling gets less than $1 million.

She better start cutting coupons. Hitting the Wal-Mart. Selling her plasma.

Lance Bass told People that he is gay, and in a long-term relationship with Reichen Lehmkuhl, who won The Amazing Race a few seasons ago.

Lance, I just want to tell you how happy I am for you. First of all, great choice going with People to disclose your news. You know the rags very well, obviously. If it’s in People, it’s true.

Second, great choice in a boyfriend. That Reichen is h-o-t HOT.

Third, you always were my favorite ‘N Syncer. I even saw your movie, On The Line. I had a little crush on you - totally thought you were hot. I should have known then that you were gay. I always fall for the gay ones.

Fourth, and most importantly, I’m so glad you said this:

“The thing is, I’m not ashamed — that’s the one thing I went to say. I don’t think it’s wrong, I’m not devastated going through this. I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I’m just happy.”

You will be even happier now that you don’t have to hide who you are. You’re gonna thrive, baby!

Mazel Tov!

Peter Cook apologized to Christie Brinkley through his lawyer to NYPost’s Cindy Adams.

“I love my wife. I have loved her since the day I met her. Please . . . I love her.”

That’s why he banged his 19 year old assistant, plus a couple other teenage girls. Cuz he loves his wife.

Then he said, “For a lifetime I’ve tried to prove how much I love her. This is an aberration.”

Aberration? He’s been chasing after the girl since she was 17. And I like how he says he’s been trying to prove how much he loves Christie. Like someone she has insecurities and trust issues and so he had to go have sex with teenage girls.

If she goes back to him, she’s insane.

Star Magazine yet again published totally incorrect information as if it were fact.

P. 15 - Couples News

ON! Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro

Carmen Electra, 34, and Dave Navarro, 39, are going strong despite rumors. In fact, the sexy actress tells Star that she “would like to have a baby in 2008. It’s a huge commitment, and I want to enjoy being married for a little bit first.”

Uh, enjoy being married to whom, Carmen? Cuz we all know you put your “career” ahead of spending time with your husband.

Oh man - I was SO CLOSE to witnessing this in person.

So Nicole Richie fainted while shopping at Kitson on July 15th.

I was there July 14th! Damn it to hell! All I got was a glimpse Brittany Murphy!

She was browsing and BAM! Hit the floor. The staff offered her food, to which she shouted an ambiguous “NO!” but did accept a glass of calorie-free water. 20 minutes later, she was good as new.

Okay - maybe that’s optimistic. How about this: 20 minutes later, she was upright on her matchstick legs and fairly mobile, considering her complete lack of muscle tone.