Okay folks. It’s 8:30 here - Baby Diva slept in so I just made my coffee and got the TiVo queued. Larry King Live. Let’s do this thing.

Did she jump - or was she pushed?

So Larry starts stating that before they get started, ABC has provided a written statement of there side of the story, and that he talked to Barbara Wednesday who told him to “quote her liberally.” Okay, I feel like I should pop popcorn and pull all the curtains, because this is clearly gonna be a show.

First they show the clip of Star telling everyone, after much prayer and counsel, that she’s taking off. But Larry has put a split schreen so we can watch her face while she watches it. She has a sad, closed-mouth smile while she watches. Like a sad clown watching the sunset.

Larry asks why, why did you do it this way?

She said that we’ve all planned for me to announce that I was leaving - we being Star, Barbara, ABC and producer Bill. Who the hell is Bill. When they told her her she was canned, they asked her to stay until July 13 and told her what day she could announce it on the show. Problem was, that day wasn’t Tuesday, June 27.

She was told on April 21st that she wasn’t coming back in the fall. She showed up to work every day and acted professionally, even though there were “news reports, speculation, rumor, gossip, innuendo.”

“It was relentless!”

So then on Monday, June 26, Keith Olberman has a story about her leaving with the definite date of departure. I guess no one knew that except the executives and herself. Sounds like a leak to me, Star!

“So you’re saying someone leaked it,” says Larry.

“Absolutely. There’s no question that was done,” says Star. Damn. I didn’t think she had the cajones to say that. I thought she would do the whole ’shrug it off but imply’ act. Of course, if there’s anything Star has in spades it’s cajones. I should never underestimate Ms. Jones.

So Tuesday she woke up and it was even more prevalent in the media. She realized it was turning into a “circus atmosphere”. As opposed to what’s happening now.

Oh here we go - “the viewers deserved the truth.”

So Larry said that Barbara planned this whole retrospective on Thursday as a tribute to her. Is that true?

Star says she never agreed to any of that. She agreed that she would make the announcement and leave on Thursday. She specifically said she didn’t want any tribute because she didn’t feel that way after being told her contract was removed.

I think it had more to do with not wanting to see the fatty footage. Or the clip of her getting beaned in the face with a football.

So Larry asks if she felt she was betrayed.

“You know, that’s such a tough word,” she replies. Here we go - the lawyer speak. “I look at it as a business decision.” Uh-huh. Sure sure.

But then it because personal with all the media attention - and it hurt. So she decided that it was time to gain control of this sinking ship, so to speak. She of course called her pastor, on Tuesday morning, for guidance and support, they prayed, and she decided to spill the beans.

Ahh, but Larry’s two steps ahead - “But didn’t you tell People Magazine about this before Tuesday?”

“Yes, yes.”

Hmm, who’s the hypocrite now?

Well she talked to People before Tuesday for the viewers. She thought they deserved to know the truth. She said that she was gonna make the announcement that week sometime, and the viewers deserved to know the truth.

Why didn’t she talk to Barbara about the People interview? Well the same reason Barbara hasn’t spoken to her yet. Nah nah NAH! Okay, the claws are coming out now.

Ooh, Barbara didn’t call her to tell her she was canned - someone called her agent. Larry said that Barbara said it wasn’t her decision - it was ABC’s decision. “Is that true?” he asks.

“Listen,” she says. Uh oh. She’s losing her cool - she’s getting a bit heated. Mount JonesReynolds is beginning to erupt!

Her agent was called April 20th. Her agent called her managers and gay husband Al. Al then hopped on a plane and flew to Phoenix, where Star was at the time, to tell her himself. He’s very sensitive, that Al.

Ooh now they show Barbara’s announcement. Cue the split screen. Where’s the sad clown face? No peaceful smile - her mouth is drawn into a straight line. Is that smoke I see coming out of her ears?

LOL - she says that was the first time she saw that clip. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Right.

She’s sad that the platform that she helped build was used to be attacked professionally.

“You think you were attacked there?” Larry asks.

“Well,” long dramatic pause, “I’ll leave that to the viewers to decide.” Yep, that’s smoke.

Okay commercial.

Now Larry is talking about her losing weight. Barbara said that when they conducted surveys and polls about how much people hated Star Jones, part of it was because she talked about losing the 800 pounds she lost by eating smaller portions and walking on a treadmill, as if she didn’t have the gastric bypass. Larry said that Barbara said that no one believed that and the crew covered for her - they knew there was some sort of surgery involved, didn’t understand why she was lying about it, and couldn’t understand why she insisted it was eating low-fat and lifting 5 lb weights.

She said that last time she was on the show, she said that he quoted in her book that she needed a full-scale medical intervention and doctors had to step in and save her life. So medical intervention = gastric bypass surgery. And when I say I’m a calm peaceful mother when Baby Diva is losing it because it comes natural to me, I really mean it’s the copious amounts of xanax I take.

So Larry says “So where did this impression come from that you did this all by a diet?”

Well she has no idea. She says she always said it was a medical intervention.

“That means surgery, right?” Larry asks.

“What else could it mean?” she replies.

Phew! Man. That was painful. It felt like someone just stapled MY stomach - without anesthesia.

“So what did Barbara mean about the crew covering for you?”

“Here’s the thing…” Star begins. Oh, man - not the thing. Private things have gone on for nine years, “with our children and our husbands, with our own personal health, and each one of us respected each other’s privacy.”

So Larry goes, “But they said they did respect your privacy. They covered for you…”

“But you know what? I didn’t ask them to,” Star replies.

So THERE!

“Are you very hurt?” Larry asks.

“Gosh,” the insipid smile returns, “you ask the tough questions!” Okay hold on while I vomit.

Okay back. Don’t worry - I rinsed. “I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell you that I was hurt.” Double negative, Star.

She loved the show - she loved the viewers - she’s the co-host that went into the audience to talk to them.

So now they’re showing Barbara’s response on Tuesday. So he asks her if she should have told them about People magazine and she was all, that wasn’t the forum. “She’s known since April that she didn’t renew my contract, this wasn’t a bombshell.”

Commercial.

Now for ABC’s written response.

1. ABC told Barbara and Bill Geddie - the other producer - in November 2005 that they weren’t renewing Star’s contract.

2. The network fired Star and gave orders to Barbara but Barbara resisted.

3. ABC conducted extensive focus groups that Star had lost credibility and was damaging the show.

4. Star’s wedding freebies hit papers across the country having a negative impact on the show.

5. Star sold her wedding pictures to People magazine and “The View” could not put those pictures on the show.

6. Star had a drastic weight loss and was not forthright with her audience further damaging her credibility.

[OK - I have to watch Argentina and Germany in overtime - J. Cruz is a BABE. I'll finish this in a sec....]

BACK! Germany won. Poor J. Cruz.

Okay so Star says she didn’t sell the wedding pictures to People or to anyone else - she owns them. The only person who got paid was the photographer. Now about the freebies - she says “There’s no question I used my celebrity as it related to making those wedding plans.”

She also said she didn’t get freebies for plugging products on “The View” but she did plug products in other venues that were unrelated to the show. She then refers to herself in the third person, which I HATE: “Star 100% confesses,” she says with her right hand up, “used my celebrity100% and if you ask me if that was a mistake, I’m gonna tell you yes.”

How convoluted is THAT?

Then she said that in 2004, out of the top 10 rated episodes of “The View” half of them had to do with her wedding.

That was because people hated that bitch and her stupid wedding so much they had to watch. The ratings don’t necessarily mean people liked her.

Commercial.

Kay now view emails - Denise from Columbia, South Carolina asks if there’s any truth to the rumors that Star’s firing was a condition of Rosie O’Donnell joining “The View”.

Great question, Denise! I was wondering the same thing.

Star says she doesn’t think so - because Rosie was replacing Meredith - but it was strange in the timing - she was told April 21 - and 5 days later she was told that Rosie was gonna be the new co-host.

She says she and Ro have been friends, so she was taken aback that two weeks prior to April 21, Ro went on a public attack of Star and her family - talking about her weight - said Star claimed she lost weight thru pilates and yoga which she never said - and Ro also attacked her family in print. Star didn’t call her - the last thing she wanted to do was get in a tabloid fight with someone - going tit for tat.

Uh, so why did she go to People and say she was fired? That was pretty tat to Barbara’s tit.

So innocent Star was shocked by Ro’s comments she didn’t even have time to respond to it because that same week Ro made her vicious attacks, Barbara called her and invited her to be on The View. This all went down on the Emmys. Instead of taking this as an affront from Barbara - she decided to hold it in her heart.

She asked Barbara why Rosie went to the Emmys with them - and Barbara said “This is a business decision and wrap yourself around it.”

Then she pulls out the sisterhood story. She’s not getting into a catfight - women professionals should stick together. She learned from Barbara and she’s a mentor - just like Johnnie Cochran was in her legal career - and she will not denigrate Ms. Walters - that’s not who she is.

Commercial.

She says that when she was told in April, she was moving on - but she was specifically asked to stay until Meredith left - then she was ordered to return in July. Her contract is up in August.

She then said that she doesn’t know what she said that was so horrible to People. They asked what happened, she said her contract wasn’t renewed. They said how did that make her feel and she said it felt like she was fired.

What’s so bad about that? Nothing, actually. What makes this a great story is the fact that she went outside the Barbara Walters protocol. They wanted control of how it went down and Star said, nuh-uh. I’m doing this my way.

Call from Palm City, Florida - who would you like see replace you and have you heard of who will replace you? She doesn’t know who will be on - she wants someone who represents diversity and a professional - not an actress or comedienne.

So then Larry reads some more of the statement from ABC which said that because of her deceptions (going to People and saying she was fired without telling anyone at “The View” and because “The View” is a live show, “the network could not trust what she might say on air and it was decided that Star’s services would be terminated immediately.”

Snap!

She’s disheartened they are reacting this way. She was told whatever she wanted to say, they would back them up. She didn’t want to lie - that was not a part of her character. She was offended they asked her to lie. Her viewers deserved the truth. He says “why didn’t you just get another gig in April,” and she said, “I did get my own show.”

She said first she was getting fired because he was dishonest to her viewers, but then she was asked to lie about why she was leaving.

Man - what a lawyer.

ABC daytime president said his only regret was this wasn’t taken care of in November when her ratings were at an all-time low and then this wouldn’t be connected to Rosie. She said, well the daytime president asked her to sit at his table in April so snap.

She’s working on new tv projects, she’s gonna work on child advocacy projects, and she’s gonna continue to grow.

She’s not going away quietly.

Damn it.

While Star and Barbara bitchslap each other, there is another couple that is in the throes of a major bitchfest.

Tori Spelling vs. Candy Spelling.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, Tori and her mom haven’t been speaking for some time now, for a number of reasons that I am sure date back to Tori’s original nose. But now, Tori went to Us Magazine, and Candy has responded, Walters-style.

So Tori said to Us that a friend sent her a message on her Blackberry saying that her dad died. Her mom didn’t even call her. I’ve got goosebumps - why? Cuz that’s cold, that’s why.

The article will be published in this week’s Us, so don’t worry y’all - I’ll dissect that article to its bare bones so YOU don’t have to!

So then Candy Spelling released a statement that is all up in Tori’s grill. Read it, and then go call your mama and tell her you love her.

“We are deeply saddened that, during our time of loss and grief, we are forced to respond to the media frenzy caused by the mean-spirited and surprising comments made by Tori to the press, just two days after the passing of [Aaron Spelling]. As we try to honor his memory with love and respect, the sudden media frenzy she has created at this sensitive time is hurtful and very disturbing. Aaron’s legacy deserved pure and unadulterated tribute and recognition which, sadly, has been tainted.

“Everyone deals with grief in a different way, and since Tori chose not to be here at that time, we believe she is having a harder time dealing with that loss. We understand how difficult it might have been for her to be here, and, perhaps, more difficult for her after she arrived. Aaron loved both his children with all his heart, and he understood how hard it was for her.

“We hope Aaron will be remembered with reverence and spirit for the monumental legacy he has left and not for the petty and tabloid headlines which have marred his articles of remembrance. We have mourned our great loss as a family and will continue to do so as that is what Aaron deserved.”

So what she’s saying is, basically, that Tori was too busy stealing someone else’s Canadian husband to come visit her dying father. Looks like Tori won’t be getting any more allowance.

In response to Barbara’s dramatic speech yesterday, which I transcribed below, Star retaliated.

By calling her a hypocrite.

That’s all you’ve got? Really, Star. You can do better than that.

Star will be on Larry King Live tonight. Don’t worry, y’all. I’ll watch it so you don’t have to. Sigh, the lengths I go for you…

Poor Britney Spears.

Jesus, folks - please, someone save her AND her baby AND her fetus in utero.

Sorry to keep you waiting - I know you all are dying to find out what happened. But Raghag had to work. And unless you want to send in donations in order for me to update all damn day long, y’all are just gonna have to wait.

So, as I promised, I watched “The View” today. It did not disappoint. Since I’m too much of a luddite to figure out how to transfer from DVR to YouTube, let me fill you in:

The drama begins at the opening credits. They have these punchy graphics and music to get the show started, and then one by one, a picture appears of each host with their names. A little bit ago, there were 5 pics: Meredith Vieira, Star Jones, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Elizabeth Survivor. Well, Meredith ditched them for a cushier gig on the “Today Show”.

So yesterday there were 4 pics: Star Jones, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Elizabeth Survivor. Then Star decided that she was gonna announce she was leaving without telling anyone. According to a radio interview she did with Ryan “I’m Not Gay” Seacrest, Joy and Elizabeth had no idea she was canned. Man, you would think with all the estrogen around there it would be impossible for a secret to be kept. She then went to People and said she was basically fired. This is all without Barbara Walters’ permission, mind you.

What did I say about crossing Barbara? Well, hell indeed hath no fury.

Today - the opening credits only had 3 pics: Joy, Survivor and Barbara.

The graphics team must have been up allllll night editing her out.

So the three of them walk out and do their smiling and waving like it’s a normal day, but then they sit, and there’s a bit of an awkard silence.

“And then there were three,” says Barbara.

“And then there were three,” parrots Joy, most likely thinking ‘please don’t fire me, please don’t fire me’.

And thus, Barbara begins. My personal commentary is provided in italics. Barbara’s intonations are in brackets.

“This is truthfully a difficult day for us and a sad day for us.” Sure, sure.

“If you were watching The View yesterday,” or surfing the Internet or reading the paper or doing anything other than living under rocks, “you would have heard Star announce that she is leaving the View and will not be on the program next fall.”

“We didn’t expect her to make this statement yesterday.” That explains Joy’s fainting spell. “She gave us no warning and [pause for effect] we were taken by surprise.” i.e. this was not cleared by me.

“But the truth is that Star has known for months that ABC did not want to renew her contract and that she would not be asked back in the fall. ” Take THAT Ms. Jones!

“The network made this decision based on a variety of reasons which, [pause - lowers voice] I will not go into now. ” I will do so in my primetime special, “The Reasons Why I fired Star Jones.”

“But we were never going to say this. We wanted to protect Star, and so we told her that she could say whatever she wanted about why she was leaving and that we would back her up.” Damn! Feel pretty stupid NOW, don’t ya, Star?

“We worked closely with her representatives and we gave her time to look for another job and we HOPED that she would announce it here on the program and [pause] leave with dignity. But Star made another choice. ” Snap! That Barbara’s cooooooold.

“And since her announcement yesterday she has made further announcements that has surprised us so it is becoming uncomfortable for us to pretend that everything is the same at this table. And therefore, regrettably, Star will no longer be on this program [pause - lowers voice] except for some shows that have been pre-recorded. So if you do see her, you’ll immediately recognize that it’s a repeat and you should change the channel and watch The Price is Right”".

“The View helped make Star a star.” Don’t mess with Barbara.

“And Star helped make The View the success that it is and we will never forget that.” At least we won’t until the commercial.

“We wish her well in this new chapter in her life, as we begin a new chapter on The View.” Sure, sure.

“And when we come back we will do what we do best, or worst, Hot Topics.” [Big smile]

Then Joy pipes in, “Yes we will. We’ll be back.” Please don’t fire me Barbara. I’ll fix you your coffee. I’ll buff your callouses. Please please don’t fire me.

Applause - cut to commercial.

And there you have it. Like Star never happened.

It was awesome.

So someone TiVoed The View on Tuesday when Star said she ain’t coming back next season. Then they put it on YouTube.

Note, at the end, when everyone starts clapping, Barbara’s cold, judgemental hands.

Dude. Mr. Diva called it last night.

We were sitting here, discussing Star Jones Reynolds, like we always do on Tuesday nights. And Mr. Diva goes, “I bet she won’t be allowed on the premises tomorrow.” And I was all, “Dude. I should TiVo it.”

Then, not an hour later, Mr. Diva reads this in PerezHilton.

Don’t worry, dear readers, the TiVo is SET. I’ll give ya the play by play.

Man, Kathy Griffin could have told Star - You DON’T mess with Barbara. (Trust me - rent it. Not just for the Barbara story, which is hi-lar-ious, but her story about Brooke Sheild’s wedding - well, just don’t drink anything while you watch it, because if you do, you’ll get a noseful of beverage, my friend.)

Star Jones was fired from The View.

It couldn’t have happened to a nastier bitch.

Remember yesterday, how I was all bummed up after learning Frasier’s dog died? Well, my reaction to Star’s pink slip is the exact opposite of that. It’s made my day.

Ah, to revel in the misfortune of miserable people! It feels like a warm cozy sweater on a cold blustery day.

Schadenfreude, mf.

Axl Rose was arrested in Stockholm for fighting like a girl.

He bit the leg of a security guard.

Man, first he gets into a bitchslap fight with designer Tommy Hilfiger. Now he’s biting security guards.

Next thing you know, he’ll be scratching his hairdresser’s eyes out. Which would really be an act of goodwill on society - those braids are hideous.

Top 10 Sources publishes lists of the best blogs out there on a variety of subjects.

And guess who’s in the Top 10 Celebrity Couple Sources?

That’s right, it’s moi! Number 9, baby!

The funny thing is, I know nothing about the world that is blogging. I know I’m supposed to link out to other pages and get people to link to me - I know I could make cash if I advertise. But the way I feel about the workings of the blogging network is the same way I feel about mortgages - I have a vague idea about how they work but I couldn’t focus on the details even if Ryan Phillippe had them written on his rock-hard abs. I just love to dish.

So the fact that anyone finds this at all continues to amaze me. Thank you for the recognition, Top 10 Sources, especially to Keegan O’Connor, who created the category. On my list of Top 10 Lists of Blogs, you’re Number 1!