As you already probably know, the chosen one has been born.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has joined us mere mortals here on Earth.

She was born via c-section (due to being breech but we think she wants to maintain her vaginal tone), weighs 7 pounds, and poops pure gold.

Gwen Stefani must be pissed, cuz she had her baby too this weekend and no one noticed. She even gave him an obnoxious pretentious name: Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. And STILL no one noticed.

Babies are popping out all over the place I can’t even stand it.

Perez Hilton has a great link to this site, www.bringbritneyback.com.

That’s all I’ve got today, folks. That middle-aged guy won American Idol. Lost’s finale made me even more confused, even though I was promised some answers. And at midnight tonight, RagHag is on vacation!

Whoo-hoo. I will have my laptop and will update when babies emerge in Africa. In the meantime, have a great extended weekend, my American readers.

And to my international followers - it’s Memorial Day on Monday. Most Americans mix it up with Labor Day, which is in September. W.E. - long weekends rule.

It was Mr. Diva’s birthday today - so I didn’t get a chance to post much.

Thank god the African Christ Child wasn’t born today, though Brad Pitt released a statement and you would have thought he discovered a cure for cancer with the coverage it got.

Happy Birthday Mr. DIIIIIIIVVVA! Happy Birthday to YOOOOOOUUUUUU.

LCB.

There’s been rumors of this breakup flying around for weeks, but since these people aren’t really celebrities as much as a reality star and her gastric-bypass dj boyfriend, I simply ignored them.

I should continue ignoring them, I guess, but since Nicole Richie’s bones are on display in every celebrity rag out there, and since that dj guy seems like a genuinely nice person, I’ll report the demise of their union yet again.

One day, I will be able to articulate how I feel about this generation of celebrities without working myself into a fit of seizures. Until then, I’ll just twitch in private.

In Touch ran a story on the top 10 most romantic weddings. While I was reading it, however, I had some thoughts that were a bit contrary to the gushy article. So without further ado:

RagHag’s Take on In Touch’s Most Romantic Weddings

10. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Jen almost forces Brad to include, “I promise not to have sex with, run off to Africa with, and have a baby with Angelina Jolie,” but then thinks - nah, he’d never do THAT. I’ll just make him promise to split the difference on the thermostat.

9. Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Levin. Hmm, thought Robert, when I get married, how do I show the world that I’m off drugs? I know, I’ll wear a lavender shirt, a purple satin tie, lavender tennis shoes, and a purple polka-dotted scarf around my neck!

8. Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani. In Touch says making your guests AND groom wait for an hour before walking down the aisle is romantic. I say it’s just bad etiquette. She was probably getting her roots touched up.

7. Celine Dion and Rene Angelil. Celine’s headdress had 2,000 crystals on it and weighed 7 pounds. She had 532 guests and wore a 20-foot veil. She wore a hand-sewn French gown. And she still looked homely.

6. Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. Pretty Woman got married at midnight wearing a cotton halter dress on her ranch in New Mexico. Wedding favors: peyote and monogrammed water bongs.

5. Jason Priestly and Naomi Lowde. Obviously placed on list in error. Was supposed to be included in the “washed-up Aaron Spelling celebrities wedding photos” section.

4. Russell Crowe and Danielle Spencer. Russell and his band, 30 Odd Feet of Grunts, performed three songs that he wrote specifically for his bride at their reception. Now if THAT’s not romance, I don’t know what is.

3. Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner. How can I show my new bride that I love her while on our honeymoon, Kevin thought. I’ve got it! I’ll pleasure myself in front of my masseuse.

2. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Honey, I’ve got a totally awesome idea. After we’re married, we’ll have cameras inside our house 24 hours a day to document our first year of marriage. It will, like, totally strengthen our marital bond.

1. Donald Trump and Melania Knauss. You know what they say - 3rd time’s a charm.

You know how Star Jones was reportedly booted from The View? Well, Star Magazine is saying that Gayle King is gonna take her place.

Who’s Gayle King? Uh, only Oprah’s BFF.

Man it would be nice for her to get a job from someone other than Harpo Productions.

… again.

So In Touch says Sharon Stone was at Prince’s house for a party. She was having a great ol’ time and decided it would be a good idea to dance on Prince’s pink and purple sofa. With stiletto heels on.

Well, Prince’s minions didn’t like it, and yelled at her to stop while shining a bright light in her face. She was so shamed that she left.

God, I hate it when I dance on Prince’s pink and purple sofa with my stilettos on. So humiliating. I totally feel your pain, Sharon.

This is not shocking or surprising in any way shape or form. Which makes it even funnier.

In Touch reports that Anna Nicole Smith has already picked out a name for her baby if it’s a girl: Cherri Pie.

I’ll just leave it there.

Dude, I am not making this up.

TMZ.com has a photo slideshow of the entire incident.

Notice how her drink is intact. Doesn’t spill a drop.

For the love of Jesus himself, please please please help Baby Sean P.

I’m thinking of starting a 501c3 non-profit for him - the Save Baby Sean P. Foundation.

Write out your checks to Ms. RagHag Diva, President and Founder.

TMZ.com will have video of it on Friday at 7pm eastern time.

Wednesday, May 17, time: 2:30ish pacific.

[phone rings]

“RagHag? It’s Nuwanda Girl,” (Those ARE our given names, you know.) “I am standing about 20 feet away from Hugh Grant.”

[squeals and laughter]

“No WAY!” I replied.

“Yes WAY! But I have to keep my voice down, I’m trying to keep cool. He’s filming a scene for his movie in the park (aka Central Park). “

“Oh I read about that movie. Do you see Drew Barrymore?”

“Hold on a sec, let me get around this thi… YES, there’s Drew Barrymore.”

[more squeals and laughter]

“Oh wait…” The disappointment in Nuwanda Girl’s voice is heavy. “That girl’s way too fat to be Drew Barrymore. It must be her stand-in.”

“Awwwwww.”

[pause to take in new information]

“So,” I said, “This is your third celebrity sighting of the day!” I received an earlier email from N.G. stating she saw Isabella Rossellini:

Dude, I saw Isabella Rossellini in the park this morning. She was
walking her dog, looking totally UN-GLAM and pretty old, but not a hag like
Farrah Fawcett.

(This first star sighting did not warrant a phone call.)

“Well, two and a half. WAIT!” NG exclaimed. “It IS Drew Barrymore!!!”

“WHAT??”

[silence]

“Man, she’s fatter that I thought she would be.”

“Yeah.”

[SCENE]